Be Who You Are

I would like to introduce myself. I am Dani, and I have Crohn's Disease. I have had the disease for years, and I am the only Crohn's patient I know who never goes into remission. You may ask what is Crohn's Disease http://www.ccfa.org/info/about/crohns<----that link will tell you everything you would like to know. Most Crohn's patients go through periods of flare and remission. Flare is when the disease is active and they have all of the fun stuff to deal with. Remission is periods of health as if they didn't have the disease. The only time I have been in remission in ten years is when I was pregnant with my son. I have learned a lot in the past ten years, and I have met some wonderful people along the way. People I never would have met if not for Crohn's. At one point my doctor (who is a huge supporter of mine) told me that I should share some of my knowledge with other people like me. I almost always do what he says, so I thought...OK, why not?

People frequently say to me "You look great," as if to imply that appearance and illness are related. Once, in the hospital a gentleman escorting me to my room said "you look fine, are you here for a rest?" I think that is really funny, because anyone who has ever spent time in the hospital will tell you that it is no place for a rest. Hospitals are the least restful places on the planet. I may not look sick, but that doesn't mean that I am not. Looks aside. Something else I get a lot is; "you're so smily and happy, you must feel really good!" Here's how I feel about that. I get this one and only life to live. I didn't choose Crohn's Disease. No sick person chooses to be sick. I have no control over that. I do have control over how I react to having an incurable disease. I am sick every day. I'm dehydrated to the point where my muscles shut down, I go number 2 at the same rate that most people go number 1. I hurt, and I'm always tired. I have other symptoms that would make anyone cringe. I can't control those things. I can choose to focus on the wonderful blessings I have in my life. My beautiful little boy, my loving husband, my gracious friends and family. The roof over my head and the great love in my life.

I struggled with people taking me seriously for a long time. Then I realized that it doesn't matter if anyone realizes how sick I am. My doctor knows the severity of my condition, I don't exaggerate anything to him, but I am thorough in describing my symptoms. The wonderful team of researchers who have even followed up with me from their vacations know. My husband and best friends know. The people helping me. I am not going to "act" as sick as I am. If I did, no one would want to be around me. I am going to continue to have a smile on my face if I want to smile. Sometimes I want to cry, and I do, but I refuse to be someone who people avoid, or are afraid to ask how I am, because they already know the answer. I am who I am, and I am a person living with challenges. We all are, sick or healthy. The difference between all of us is how we handle them.