Doctor Dating

Have you ever had a great experience with a doctor? How about an awful one? We remember the bad ones more easily than the good. I had a doctor once who would tell me that I was depressed every time I saw him complaining of fatigue and anemia. He knew I had Crohn’s but it was always depression. Until I lost 100 pounds, then he started taking me seriously. My point is, that doctors are people. They are flawed, and not all doctors are right for all people. The sad part is, that because doctors are who they are, I may have accepted his depression diagnosis without question. I’m lucky to have enough personal and professional experience to question doctor’s opinions when I have doubts.

When I was young, I put doctors on a pedestal. A lot of us do, we think doctors are superhuman, infallible. They are not. When I got sick, I didn’t think about forever. I wasn’t thinking that I would be diagnosed with a disease that would force me into long-term relationships with medical professionals. But, that is exactly what happened.

Choosing a doctor is a lot like choosing a romantic partner. This person will know intimate details about your life, and you are buying THEM dinner. I often joke that my own doctor should have vanity plates on his car that say “Thanks, Dani.” Because you are thrust into an intimate relationship immediately, it is important that you trust your doctor. Make a checklist of things that are important to you in this partnership, like board certification, specialty, personality, office staff or hospital privileges. If you have an insurance carrier, you can call them and talk to them about your doctor’s qualifications. I chose a specialist in the area of gastroenterology since I have a GI disease. He wasn’t the first, either. What was important to me was to have a proactive talented physician, who works collaboratively with his/her patients. Also, that he has a compassionate nurse and staff that is responsive. I am getting exactly what I want from the relationship. I am a researcher, and I am methodical about my care, but I never forget that I am not a doctor and I never forget that he went to school for a long time and I should listen to him when he talks. He doesn’t forget that it is my body, and I have the final say about what goes into it, or when it is cut open. I get the impression that he likes that I am involved in my care. There are a lot of doctors who think that my level of involvement is telling them how to do their job. My doctor understands that is not the case. So, he “gets” me.

I am not you, and what is important to me may not be important to you. I know a WONDERFUL person who sees a doctor in the same clinic as me. This doctor is brilliant, and an expert in IBD. He and I are not compatible. He makes her feel safe, taken care of and keeps her out of the pokey (or hospital.) He cares about her case the way my doctor cares about my case. He directs her care the way she needs him to, but he’s just not for me. That doesn’t mean he is better or worse than my doctor, he is just better for her, like any intimate relationship. I’m not for everyone, but I’m perfect for my husband. He thinks I am great. I have been with a few men who don’t share the same opinion of me as my husband (bummer for them!)

When you are faced with choosing a medical partner, don’t be afraid to end the relationship if it is not working for you. I would bet that chances are, the doctor will hardly notice. They have a lot of patients, and if it isn’t working for you, it may not be working for them either. I am happy to have found my medical partner, and we can explore how to build relationship on another day.

In the meantime, are there any doctor stories you would like to share? Once I talked a doctor in an urgent care center into performing surgery on me in the office without any sort of numbing or sedative because I didn’t have health insurance. I still can’t believe he did it, and I screamed so loud that I’m sure I scared off the entire waiting room! It was pretty traumatic, and stupid in hindsight!