Monday, October 25, 2010

How to Get to Second Base With Your Dream Doc…The Whole Truth…

OK, so you have found your Dream Doc. Now what? You are in the honeymoon phase and you undoubtedly want him/her to like you as much as you like them. To some of us that means not telling the whole truth or even outright lying about ourselves. Depending on the size of the lie, it can cost the relationship. The biggest lie I tell my husband is the fat content of the mayonnaise and sour cream. I have been washing old full fat containers for years, and dumping in light. My husband was none the wiser for EVER until I got tired of doing it and just told him. Then he pouted, and I started doing it again. My big reason for lying is to protect his heart, and avoid conflict. I never lie to my doctor, and I’ll tell you why.

My grandmother died of lung cancer. She had COPD for years, and with yellow fingers and reeking of smoke, swore to her doctor that she quit as soon as she was diagnosed. She didn’t want to be judged by her doctor and she was ashamed that she couldn’t follow his orders. The problem is, that most doctors forget about the last patient as soon as they walk into the next exam room. He wasn’t going home and telling his friends and family about his model patient who quit smoking. Had she told him the truth, he wouldn’t have complained to everyone he saw about his awful smoking patient. He would not have told her to find a new doctor.

Lying to your doctor is a bad idea for a bunch of reasons:

1. It can impact your care. Doctors come to a diagnosis based on information you give them. They perform tests, and labs to back up your complaints. If you lie, then they could order tests you don’t need which is adding to the rising cost of healthcare for everyone. If they give you orders that you don’t follow, they order more tests, give you different medicines which perpetuates the cycle. It also wastes your time and your doctor’s time.

2. It makes them not trust you, or anyone else. They even learn in medical school that we are all liars until proven honest. This makes building relationships with your doctor difficult, because it is so one sided. It is their job to treat you; it is your body and life in their hands. This makes them less invested in the relationship than you are, and they are guaranteed not to get hurt. Can you say the same?

3. It makes you typical and forgettable. Doctors don’t judge you based your answers to their questions, and usually they find honesty refreshing. If you come clean about compliance issues or lifestyle issues, it makes you memorable and could make your doctor more invested in your care. If you are struggling with diet, or meds, or smoking or something, tell your doctor. It is their job to help you bulldoze the obstacles.

4. It gives you reason to feel bad about yourself. Kindergarten lesson, we feel bad when we lie.

5. It could keep you sick longer than you have to be sick. Who wants to be sick longer? (I actually know a couple of people who do, and that is just sad.)

We all want to put our best foot forward to people we want to impress. When we are trying to hook a partner, we tend to hide our less attractive traits. Just keep in mind that your doctor is a sure thing. I waited until I knew my husband was in love with me before I told him about some of my crazy family members. If you want your doctor to be in it for the long haul, you have to tell him/her about crazy uncle Henry on the first date.

Imagine the most embarrassing thing you could tell your doctor and remember that they see weird stuff all day. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen at the doc’s office? Once I sat next to a guy who told me he was an ex CIA agent who was getting a colonoscopy because Persian Gulf pirates put a tracking device in his food that was implanted in his intestines. Would I lie?

*Title and content property of Danielle LaBare. If you write a blog about living with chronic illness that has a lot of followers, you should be original and come up with your own content, or find another career.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Doctor Dating

Have you ever had a great experience with a doctor? How about an awful one? We remember the bad ones more easily than the good. I had a doctor once who would tell me that I was depressed every time I saw him complaining of fatigue and anemia. He knew I had Crohn’s but it was always depression. Until I lost 100 pounds, then he started taking me seriously. My point is, that doctors are people. They are flawed, and not all doctors are right for all people. The sad part is, that because doctors are who they are, I may have accepted his depression diagnosis without question. I’m lucky to have enough personal and professional experience to question doctor’s opinions when I have doubts.

When I was young, I put doctors on a pedestal. A lot of us do, we think doctors are superhuman, infallible. They are not. When I got sick, I didn’t think about forever. I wasn’t thinking that I would be diagnosed with a disease that would force me into long-term relationships with medical professionals. But, that is exactly what happened.

Choosing a doctor is a lot like choosing a romantic partner. This person will know intimate details about your life, and you are buying THEM dinner. I often joke that my own doctor should have vanity plates on his car that say “Thanks, Dani.” Because you are thrust into an intimate relationship immediately, it is important that you trust your doctor. Make a checklist of things that are important to you in this partnership, like board certification, specialty, personality, office staff or hospital privileges. If you have an insurance carrier, you can call them and talk to them about your doctor’s qualifications. I chose a specialist in the area of gastroenterology since I have a GI disease. He wasn’t the first, either. What was important to me was to have a proactive talented physician, who works collaboratively with his/her patients. Also, that he has a compassionate nurse and staff that is responsive. I am getting exactly what I want from the relationship. I am a researcher, and I am methodical about my care, but I never forget that I am not a doctor and I never forget that he went to school for a long time and I should listen to him when he talks. He doesn’t forget that it is my body, and I have the final say about what goes into it, or when it is cut open. I get the impression that he likes that I am involved in my care. There are a lot of doctors who think that my level of involvement is telling them how to do their job. My doctor understands that is not the case. So, he “gets” me.

I am not you, and what is important to me may not be important to you. I know a WONDERFUL person who sees a doctor in the same clinic as me. This doctor is brilliant, and an expert in IBD. He and I are not compatible. He makes her feel safe, taken care of and keeps her out of the pokey (or hospital.) He cares about her case the way my doctor cares about my case. He directs her care the way she needs him to, but he’s just not for me. That doesn’t mean he is better or worse than my doctor, he is just better for her, like any intimate relationship. I’m not for everyone, but I’m perfect for my husband. He thinks I am great. I have been with a few men who don’t share the same opinion of me as my husband (bummer for them!)

When you are faced with choosing a medical partner, don’t be afraid to end the relationship if it is not working for you. I would bet that chances are, the doctor will hardly notice. They have a lot of patients, and if it isn’t working for you, it may not be working for them either. I am happy to have found my medical partner, and we can explore how to build relationship on another day.

In the meantime, are there any doctor stories you would like to share? Once I talked a doctor in an urgent care center into performing surgery on me in the office without any sort of numbing or sedative because I didn’t have health insurance. I still can’t believe he did it, and I screamed so loud that I’m sure I scared off the entire waiting room! It was pretty traumatic, and stupid in hindsight!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Be Who You Are

I would like to introduce myself. I am Dani, and I have Crohn's Disease. I have had the disease for years, and I am the only Crohn's patient I know who never goes into remission. You may ask what is Crohn's Disease http://www.ccfa.org/info/about/crohns<----that link will tell you everything you would like to know. Most Crohn's patients go through periods of flare and remission. Flare is when the disease is active and they have all of the fun stuff to deal with. Remission is periods of health as if they didn't have the disease. The only time I have been in remission in ten years is when I was pregnant with my son. I have learned a lot in the past ten years, and I have met some wonderful people along the way. People I never would have met if not for Crohn's. At one point my doctor (who is a huge supporter of mine) told me that I should share some of my knowledge with other people like me. I almost always do what he says, so I thought...OK, why not?

People frequently say to me "You look great," as if to imply that appearance and illness are related. Once, in the hospital a gentleman escorting me to my room said "you look fine, are you here for a rest?" I think that is really funny, because anyone who has ever spent time in the hospital will tell you that it is no place for a rest. Hospitals are the least restful places on the planet. I may not look sick, but that doesn't mean that I am not. Looks aside. Something else I get a lot is; "you're so smily and happy, you must feel really good!" Here's how I feel about that. I get this one and only life to live. I didn't choose Crohn's Disease. No sick person chooses to be sick. I have no control over that. I do have control over how I react to having an incurable disease. I am sick every day. I'm dehydrated to the point where my muscles shut down, I go number 2 at the same rate that most people go number 1. I hurt, and I'm always tired. I have other symptoms that would make anyone cringe. I can't control those things. I can choose to focus on the wonderful blessings I have in my life. My beautiful little boy, my loving husband, my gracious friends and family. The roof over my head and the great love in my life.

I struggled with people taking me seriously for a long time. Then I realized that it doesn't matter if anyone realizes how sick I am. My doctor knows the severity of my condition, I don't exaggerate anything to him, but I am thorough in describing my symptoms. The wonderful team of researchers who have even followed up with me from their vacations know. My husband and best friends know. The people helping me. I am not going to "act" as sick as I am. If I did, no one would want to be around me. I am going to continue to have a smile on my face if I want to smile. Sometimes I want to cry, and I do, but I refuse to be someone who people avoid, or are afraid to ask how I am, because they already know the answer. I am who I am, and I am a person living with challenges. We all are, sick or healthy. The difference between all of us is how we handle them.